I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize