They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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