You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
