4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
