I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
