In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
