I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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