i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
