just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he fucked my hip out of place.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
