she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
