every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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