Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Im part way to drunk.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
