I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
