the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
