..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
