this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
