my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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