So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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