Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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