Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
sex in a hospital.. check
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
