when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
