I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
