why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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