i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
