Swine flu. Run for my life!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
