so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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