Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
