Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
