hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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