just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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