Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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