I wish I could punch you in the face.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
