I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
