i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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