Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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