And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Randomize
