P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
