Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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