Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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