i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
