listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
