At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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