escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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