why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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