Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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