ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
