What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
