he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
