I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
