maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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