I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
