You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They took my balls.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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