I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
