Non-Jews are for practice
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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