Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
This girl is more easily done than said...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
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