they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
