Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
