How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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