if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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