God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
