the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
