moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
