let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
