So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
