All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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