um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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