i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
